I’ve been playing it safe. I’ve been busy. I’ve been moving fast and living large and while there’s nothing wrong with that, while I think I needed it for a while…I’m fulfilling only a portion of my initial intentions for this space, and it’s time to re-focus.
Yes, I’m sharing little bits and pieces of my days, my life – that alone was a step for me, and I don’t want to discount it. But. That was the simple part. That’s easy, and fun…I’ll post pictures and little comments about them all day long. I’ll write summaries of New Yorker articles and I’ll be better about sharing crushes and links to websites I find interesting and worthy of others’ time and consideration. But sharing my own work…sharing things that I create – that’s why I’m here. That’s the challenge, and I’ve allowed myself to be distracted by the wonders around me, and to be scared into silence…to be lazy, to settle for the easier, more comfortable aspect of this project and keep the most important, the most fragile pieces to myself, for no one else to see. And worse: the pieces I have to keep to myself are few. I talk and talk about writing more and creating/committing to a schedule and then moments and days dissolve and disappear and I’m left feeling a little lost, a little empty. Because I still have stories to tell. I have ideas to share. I have things that I don’t understand, that I want to understand, and I think, I know, that writing about them will push me closer towards understanding. And if I can become a writer, if what I write touches one other person, stirs something inside them, makes them feel, well then that would be even better. That would be incredible. And then I remember that I’ve already touched people. That I’m already a writer (!).
Verbalizing intentions often actualizes them, solidifies them. So. Here I am, verbalizing and actualizing and solidifying. For real, this time. Less worrying about edits and criticism and imperfections and incomplete stories, and more…writing. Sharing. Courage.